NOTE: The following contains many spoilers for WONDER WOMAN. If you do not wish to be spoiled, please come back after you've seen the film, completed your training and learned that dancing is not swaying.
WONDER WOMAN ROUGH CUT 3 NETWORK NOTES.
Hello hello! First of all, big thanks to you for addressing our notes from the previous cut. There are a lot of great things going on but we are a long, long, LONG way off from where we need to be. When we were first received the sizzle reel, we were under the impression that our story was going to be about an entire island made up of attractive women who fought all the time. I guess we should have been more specific. As it stands right now, this cut is just not acceptable to us. Our audience prefers women who throw wine at at each other, not spears. We have a lot of potential here and we are doing absolutely nothing with it! We need to be bold and pro-active with our storytelling here and revamp this show. A bite pass is absolutely needed. Diana is exploring the world and how are we supposed to know how she feels about everything? By just watching her and listening to her in-scene dialogue? UNACCEPTABLE. Once this is done -- and a much needed music pass -- then we can send time-coded notes.
THE LOUVRE
We first see Diana at her office in the Louvre. I mean, I know it's the Louvre, but you know who probably won't know that? Our AUDIENCE! Don't assume that they are as smart as we are. Let's throw in a lower third here saying "Louvre Museum -- Paris." When the camera finds Diana opening the package, this is a great opportunity for a bite. Let's have her say something like "My name is Diana Prince. I work in the Greek Antiquity section of the Louvre Museum in Paris. It's the most important museum in all of France and I love my job preserving and researching Greek relics." (Please have her say this verbatim.) Giving the audience information at all times is storytelling at its finest!
Please blur the Wayne Enterprises logo. There's no way we can clear that.
THEMSYCRIA
What an amazing, gorgeous place! Diana's VO is a great way to explain about the island but we really could use even more information! How about a great fun GFX of where this island is in the Mediterranean? A list of its imports/exports? When the tourist season is and where to get a great bargain for B&B's? The audience is thirsty for take-away information so let's quench their thirst!
Diana's mother and her aunt seem like amazing, interesting women and yet, we hear so little about them! Let's do a big juicy intro package for each. When Her Majesty rolls in, have her say something like "I'm Queen Hippolyta and I am the ruler of the Amazons. We have lived in peace for years in isolation from the rest of the world. I try to protect my only daughter Diana from what her future my bring but I always try to keep her safe! (Have her say that in her own words, but as close to this as possible) Have her spell out everything right at the beginning will make sure our audience can follow along even if they are playing around on Snapchat!
We have an entire island full of attractive women and they all seem to get along? I find that HIGHLY unlikely. Our core demographic want to see good-looking women in expensive clothes have long dinners and talk about how they shouldn't invite acquaintances to parties. Here you have strong women in combat training, riding on horseback. You're giving us 300 when we ordered was The Real Housewives of Themsycira! (Keeping Up With The Amazons is also a good title. Let's keep that in mind.) Please scour your footage and let's rethink this section. Women fighting over an insult at a fundraiser is a big turn-ON for our audience; women fighting the patriarchy is a turn-OFF.
Also, all the women seem to be wearing the different versions of a fighting tunic and some sandals. That's not realistic. Let's do some reshoots with some more believable wardrobe. They speak about 100 languages and not one of them has a wrap dress? I think not. Also, while we appreciate the diversity of the women depicted on the training field, please cut around the heavy-set woman trainer. We feel she isn't quite "camera-ready."
On a side note, Themsycira is absolutely lovely. Are there any tiny homes there that non-threatening American tourists would be interested in buying on camera? If so, we smell a spin-off. Let's discuss!
THE ARRIVAL OF STEVE TREVOR
We finally get a man on the island. This should be HUGE news. And yet, when Diana watches his plane crash into the water, we don't have a single bite from her. Wrong wrong WRONG. Get a bite from her explaining how seeing this plane crash scares here but she has to do something to help because she's an Amazon (or something like that.) If she doesn't have a bite explaining how she's feeling about this, I have no idea how she feels which means I won't care! I need to care, guys. I NEED TO CARE.
Steve has big news about World War I that he gives to the Queen and her court. But he doesn't really EXPLAIN it a lot. Don't assume our audience knows which war this is. Let's put in a bit from Steve explaining World War I quickly and cleanly. Remember, the more we explain, the better our storytelling is!
Steve and Diana have a great flirting scene when Steve is getting out of the healing pool. Can we add more flirty sound-ups between the two? Try adding some cymbal scrapes; those are great to punctuate any romantic scene! (Per legal, please double check to make sure we don't have to blur any of Steve's body. I don't want a Dating Naked incident here.) Also, great Timex product integration. Is there a take where Steve says their brand by name? Please double check your footage and let you know. If not, we'll pick up a wild line.
DIANA ARRIVES IN LONDON
The introduction of Etta Candy is an utter delight. She's funny and heavy-set in a non-threatening, comedic television sort of way. (Maybe we can do a makeover with her in another episode? Let's ideate on this!) But her interactions with Diana don't really work. Yet another female relationship that's very positive? Where they support each other and look out for each other? No catty bites about each other's clothes? No bon mots about their choice of men? Again, I'm not buying it.
I do enjoy the section where Diana tries on various outfits, but the music in here really doesn't work. Orchestrations for a clothes montage? NO. Let's go with a Katy Perry soundalike. It's a fun and vibrant section; let's not sell ourselves short, people!
Can we get a Ben & Jerry's insert for the ice cream moment? If not, let's cut it.
THE GERMAN SIDE OF THE WAR
Colonel Ludendorf and Doctor Poison come across as good villains but their scenes are hard to follow due their accents and use of big words. Trim these down. (Maybe a good snap-in? Let's discuss!) Also, no one ever really explains why Doctor Poison has that partial mask on her face. Sure, we see the scarring later and it feels rather enigmatic. The problems is we don't DO enigmatic in reality TV. Find some audio of the doctor explaining the mask. Remember Rule #24 in our Style Guide: "If we can explain something in a bite, then we don't include it. "
WONDER WOMAN LIBERATING THE TOWN OF VELD
The action sequence here works pretty well. It's rather heroic to see Diana helped by Steve and his crew. When Diana is getting pinned down by the bullet fire in No Man's Land, it is screaming for a bite from her. Why doesn't she have a bite there? C'mon, guys, you are better than this! Add a bite from her talking about how she feels about being shot at repeatedly. If the scene can be followed by someone who is in another room washing dishes and feeding their cat, then we've done our jobs!
Please make sure that every soldier Diana defeated or killed has signed a release.
WONDER WOMAN'S BIG CONFRONTATION WITH ARES
This scene has sections where Ares is saying the same thing to Diana in slightly different ways over and over. It feels very repetitive and seems to retread the same small section of information for a long period of time. We think it's perfect; don't change a thing.
Please address these notes (with responses) by 5pm tonight. Thanks!
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