Jeez Jon

If Beyonce's "Formation" Video Got A Round Of Reality TV Network Notes

BEYONCE "FORMATION" ROUGH CUT 2 NETWORK NOTES

Hello to you and your team for sending us this cut so promptly.  That hasn't gone unnoticed.  We have definitely made some progress but we do have a lot of work ahead of us.  Right now, the cut is pretty jumbled and tonally not the right fit for our network.  Does it have to be so angry?  Can Beyonce call all the woman to join a happy formation?  Let's go through the footage and do a clarity pass to make sure we are telling the sharpest and warmest story possible.  There are a lot of controversial images currently in the cut.  While we do want a lot of people to talk about it on Twitter, we don't want to upset the apple cart TOO much.  We have some issues with the Red Lobster product integration (see below) and we are in desperate need for a chyron pass. Maybe a comedy pass too?  Let's discuss.  

Timecoded notes below.

00:01-00:04 While we appreciate the explicit lyrics warning at the top of the cut, Standards and Practices does not feel that is enough due to all of the salty language that follows.  Can we use this time instead to put in an establishing shot with a short bite from Beyonce along the lines of "Hi, I'm international pop superstar Beyonce and I'm going to celebrate my Southern heritage with a great fun song.  Hope you like it!" Please get this bite verbatim.

00:08 The VO asks "What happened after New Orleans."  Do we have an answer for the question?  She never answers the question, therefore this is really sloppy storytelling, guys.  We are much, MUCH better than this.  Also, legal wants a disclaimer saying that standing on a New Orleans cop car in a flood zone is dangerous and should only be done by professionals.  

00:15 The VO continues with "Bitch, I'm back... by popular demand."  Where was he before? Can we add a flashback as to where this person was before all this? This line needs the proper set up; right now it has no context and is therefore confusing to our demographic.  Please recut this. 

00:23 Let's add an infographic explaining what the Illuminati is.  Audiences love some take home information! 

00:33 Please make sure you have the proper material release for the Givenchy dress.

00:40 When Beyonce mentions that her parents are from Alabama and Louisiana, let's add a GFX map of the country highlighting where these states are.  That way (1) our viewers in the South will feel some pride and (2) our viewers in the rest of the country will know where these states are.  

00:59 You guys, our storytelling has to be on point.  If she says "I have hot sauce in my bag" we need a shot of it. If I don't see it, how am I to know that she actually has it in her bag?  HOW AM I TO KNOW? Please double check your footage and add this shot. Remember, reminding the audience of pertinent information is the height of storytelling!

01:10 Big Freedia's VO "I did not come to play with you hoes." Is she specific about the hoes she's referring? Have we met these hoes already?  If so, let's explain that.  Maybe a flashback?  Let's get creative!

01:17 We hear Big Freedia say "I like cornbread and collard greens, bitch", but we don't actually SEE any cornbread OR collard greens.  Can we add some b-roll of these delicious regional delights?  Also, I think we're missing out on a great opportunity.  If Beyonce really likes these dishes, how about we do a cooking show spinoff? A Southern-centric cooking show called Beautiful Fryer? All The Yummy Dishes? Countdown (To Lunch)? Celebrities hosting cooking shows are becoming very popular. If Valerie Bertinelli can host a Food Network show, why not Beyonce?  If she does, that'll take some of the stink Paula Deen left around here. 

01:32 Please double check to make sure that all of the dancers in the creepy empty swimming pool have signed a release. 

02:11 Let's add a lower third for all of the places we go to in the cut.  Right now, Beyonce and her dancers are in what looks like to be a dilapidated mansion.  Is it hers? A relative's?  I'm confused. Please clarify. 

02:30 Did something happen to the camera? It looks like this scene was shot on a VHS camcorder back in the 90's.  Sure, the dancing is nice and it's pretty creative but the weird film stock has no context and now I am no longer into this.  Can we add a bite explaining this? Otherwise, we are going to have to do A LOT of work in color correction and I can tell you right now, my boss will not okay any cost overruns for this.  

02:58 This whole section about Red Lobster is completely problematic.  First of all, S&P is wondering if there's a take where she says "If he LOVES me good, I'll take MY LOVE to Red Lobster".  Also, does she have to put up two middle fingers? If she likes Red Lobster so much, why is she making that gesture? I understand that they are very happy with this section of the song, we are not comfortable with it.  We may want to change this.  Is there a take where Beyonce has a rhyme for Applebee's?

03:44 Can we get a set up bite why the child is dancing (krumping?) in front of the line of police officers?  It's coming across as more confrontational than life-affirming.  Also, can we find a different b-roll shot at 4:24 instead of the "Stop Shooting Us" graffiti?  This might make our target demographic rather uncomfortable.  How about the kid does a happy dance and high-five the police officers? Instead of "Stop Shooting Us", how about "Believe in Love"?  That's more on brand for our network. Let's see if we can make that happen with the footage we have.  

Please send us a new cut tonight with notes responses.  Thanks! 

If THE BIG SHORT Got a Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains lots of spoilers for one of the buzziest current Oscar nominees.  If you do not wish to be spoiled, please go see this movie and then come back.  Either way, avoid getting a sub-prime loan. Seriously.

THE BIG SHORT RC4 NETWORK NOTES

Hello! Big thanks to you and your team for all of your hard work on the cuts so far.  Unfortunately, we are too far off from being on the right track.  The clever illustrations of the different investment vehicles is part of the out of the box thinking we really need, but the show right now is too dark and depressing for our brand. Can we recut this to show the banks in a better light?  By focusing so much on how the banks screwed over the American people denies us the opportunity to tell a layered story.  Do we have any interviews with anyone who liked what Lehman Brothers did?  Let's dig through our footage to find more positive bites about the financial industry.  Otherwise we're doing ourselves and especially the audience a disservice by not telling the richest story possible (pun not intended).  We were envisioning the show to be more Undercover Boss than Frontline.  Are there any heartwarming hugs at the end between the CEO's of the banks and the guy whose family is now homeless?  Take a look.  

Also, you guys are giving us a lot of information.  Mortgage back securities, CBO's, strippers with five homes... that's a LOT for our target demographic to digest. Remember, the bulk of our audience watches our network as a secondary viewer.  If we can't give them all of the story beats in small soundbites that they can process while doing the dishes and not looking at the screen, then we aren't doing our jobs.  Let's do a clarity pass through the whole show to make sure we are telling the cleanest story possible.  

We will need another rough cut before we can go on. Once this is done -- with a VERY NECESSARY bite pass -- then we can give time coded notes.  

COLD OPEN - THE 70S

The narration is great and the 70's reenactment scenes are well done, but we really need a bite in here explaining what a mortgage backed security is.  Sure, the large guy in the glasses tells the other people in scene what it is but we need to hammer this home with a good solid -- funny? -- bite.  Remember: repetition is storytelling!

DR. BURRY

Let's replace a good chunk of Dr. Burry's backstory with the following bite: "Hi! I'm Dr. Burry. I'm an MD who is brilliant at math and investing.  I lost my eye to a childhood illness and now wear a glass one.  I'm rather skeptical of the mortgage market and I'm going to investigate it further." Please get this verbatim. Let's think less of a scene where people interact and more of a fun intro package.  

MARK BAUM

Like with the Dr. Burry section, let's make an intro package out of Baum's introduction.  Give him a solid intro bite, his background and a hint about his brother's suicide.  Sure, the scene we have right now greatly establishes his character by him crashing into a group therapy session and unknowingly hijacking it but we can't assume the audience is as clever as we are.  Remember, spelling things out equals S-U-C-C-E-S-S!

Make the Mark rabbi flashback a web extra.

MARGOT ROBBIE EXPLAINING SUB-PRIME LOANS

Having a hot famous woman in a bubble bath is a highly creative way of explaining an esoteric topic like sub-prime mortgages.  Is it possible to use this as a permanent interview location for all of our shows?  Also, can we add some some GFX to help explain this?  It would really help our numbers. 

Per legal, make sure that all the instances of "Shit" and "Fuck" are bleeped.  Are there any other takes where she doesn't swear?

DR. BURRY BUYING THE SWAPS

Dr. Burry explains to the bankers at Goldman Sachs about buying the mortgage swaps and I am lost.  Can we add in a flashback here where he explains this again?  That would really help the scene a lot.  Also, after Dr. Burry leaves, let's cut out before we see the bankers laughing at him.  I don't think Goldman Sachs would appreciate their trade out being used in this way.  Besides, it's just too mean.  Remember, our network motto is "Wow-Wow with a smile!"

Can we get a Ludacris sound-alike for the buying montage?  Maybe use someone more family friendly?  Let's take a look.

JARED'S MEETING WITH FRONT POINT

We are meeting Baum's team at Front Point way too quickly.  Let's give each of them an intro bite AND lower thirds as well.  In fact, every time we see them in a scene from this point forward, let's add a lower third to them.  There are a lot of moderately-good looking white men in dark suits in this show and I want to make sure the audience can tell them all apart.  

Jared says a lot of bad things about Deustche Bank.  Are there any other takes where he says nice things about the bank?  Right now this is coming across as more "blood-boiling" and not as "heart-warming" as we would like.

Using Anthony Bourdain in interview to explain CDO's is very clever.  Does he explain anything else?  Our research shows that our audience really responds to famous people making food.  Double check your footage: if he can explain golden parachutes while making orange chicken, that would make a great web extra. 

DANNY AND PORTER AND THE MIAMI HOUSING DEVELOPMENT

This scene with Danny and Porter checking out the mostly-empty housing development is rather effective. However, we should add a set up from the guys saying what they are looking for at the development and then a closing bite from them about how they desolate the place was.  If they aren't telling us how they are feeling at all times, how can I know how they are feeling? HOW CAN I KNOW?

MARK MEETS WITH THE MORTGAGE BROKERS

Man, those mortgage brokers are such douche bags!  Any possible way we can play this scene for more comedy? Play around with the audio design.  I think adding a record scratch after one of them says he sells to strippers would be hilarious!  Be creative.

MARK AT STANDARDS & POORS

There is a lot of information and numbers floating all around this scene.  You can't expect our audience to all have done so well in math; we aren't PBS! If you are assuming that the audience is paying attention, then yes they can follow the math pretty easily, especially this is is the crux of the fraud that helped bring down the entire US economy.  But you can't assume that; this is reality, not scripted! If you insist on keeping this scene were the woman from Standards & Poors admits to falsely increasing the ratings on sub-prime mortgages and bonds, then you need to add a lot of bites in order to explain it.  Do that and add an amazing comedy pass.  If not, then we'll make it a snap-in.  People in Australia may be able to follow this; I know that working moms in Kansas City won't. 

LAS VEGAS

Please make sure that each of the attendees of the convention have signed a release.

When Mark interrupts the presentation, can we get some bites and reaction OTFs from some of the audience members?  That would help add context to Mark's worries about the sub-prime mortgages.  

Selena Gomez explaining a synthetic CDO is pretty great, but she doesn't sing and I find that distracting.  Does she sing at all?  Our audience will expect her to sing.  Let's do a pick up of her singing an Adele sound-alike. My boss and his kids would love that!

MARK TALKING TO HIS WIFE ABOUT HIS BROTHER'S SUICIDE

Oh dear Lord, who edited this scene, a drunk 18 year old on crack?  It's so jumpy and disjointed.  There are no bites at all. How can you have such an emotional scene without a pick up bite? Yes, the jumbled editing style represents Mark's frayed emotional state talking about his brother but that is just way too artsy for us.  Please completely reedit this scene and make it more straight forward.  We are leading the audience through the story by the hand; if we aren't pulling them through a fast pace, they become bored and will change the channel.  And we definitely don't want that!

THE MELTDOWN

Per legal, make sure that Jared says "I'm jacked to the [BLEEP]."

During the Barry/Mark debate about Bear Stearns, please add a continuing graphic showing Bear Stearns' stock price going down.  Make it really fun and playful; if the audience thinks too much about this, it will depress them.  If the GFX is bright and colorful, they'll smile.  Maybe we can make a happy Bear graphic and then a sad Bear graphic?  Let's play around with this.  Remember, we're storytellers! 

Do we have a material release from Red Bull for the giant tower of cans that are in Lehman Brothers' empty office? If not, please blur all the logos. 

I suggest we end the show before Jared's VO goes into how no one of consequence was put in jail for tanking the US economy.  Man, that's just too depressing! Let's end on more of an upbeat note.  Get creative and call me with some ideas.  I can't wait to see what you come up with!

Please get me a new cut by the end of the day with notes responses.  Thanks!