Human beings are composed of many things: carbon, oxygen, amino acids, proteins, organs, hair, eyes, etc. Personality-wise, we have facets as well. We aren't always the same thing all the time. We have consistent personality traits, to be sure, but we do have layers to us. I've always seen myself as the following word salad of traits:
- Male
- Actor
- Family member
- Friend
- Nerd
- Hard Worker
- Partner
- Gay Guy
- Creative Person
- Pop Culture Enthusiast
- Trivia Hound
- Politics Junkie
- Lover of Food
Etc, etc. Notice how "gay guy" isn't at the top of the list. Or in the top 5. I've rarely seen myself solely through the gay lens, but it has always loomed large in my life. While I'm not terribly butch, I am pretty "straight acting", as we say. I've never really been "The Gay Guy", even with my friends, even in college. My priorities have always gone towards work -- a trait I picked up from my father. Everything else would come after work and family (and for a good deal of my life they were one and the same).
Even after I came out at the ripe old age of 20, my focus was school and being an actor. Obviously, I was interested in guys and dating them, I was really at a loss in relating to the bulk of gay culture at that heady time in the early 90's. While I did have a lot of stereotypical gay tastes (Madonna, show tunes, campy movies, Thai food, David Duchovny), there was a lot of me that didn't (expensive clothes, loads of disposable income, engaging in catty putdowns of complete strangers). So, there I was, the atypical gay guy, the guy that would reveal his sexual orientation to people and they would give that nod of "Ahh, okay." This is how I see myself to this day, even with Tom being in my life for so long. Even though I'm gay, I don't hang out in West Hollywood often (and I barely did on Halsted back in Chicago either). Tom and I don't have a lot of gay friends, but we love the few we do have. I just chugged along, being the "Oh, and I'm gay" dude.
Fortunately, working in the entertainment industry, I'm usually not the ONLY gay man working on a project. As you can imagine, very frequently on film, TV and commercial sets, there are gays all over the place. Wardrobe, makeup, writers, fellow actors, etc. In my day job world of reality television, the gays and lesbians made up a good sizable section of most of my work environments. I'd roll from show to show, and invariably, I'd encounter fellow gay story assists, executive producers, accountants, editors, etc. Very rarely, I'm the only gay person... like I am at my current job on New Frothy Basic Cable Docu-Soap.
Which brings us to last week. The same day we got the news about the California Supreme Court decision about gay marriage, I got into a... discussion with one of our editors about the 2008 election. This editor (we'll call him Will), is pretty conservative, and usually commiserates about politics with Mark, our libertarian story producer. Mark asked me and my writing partner Betty who we were supporting, and we both said Obama.
Will: Obama?! How could you possibly support Obama?
Me: Uh... [pausing to think of the 1000 some reasons as to why]... well, my big issue is gay rights and Obama is the most progressive amongst the remaining candidates when it comes to gay issues.
Will [dismissive]: Psssht, what could he possibly do to help on that if he's president?
Me: Well, a lot of things, actually.
I spent the bulk of our conversation schooling him about what really happened with "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", the Employee Non-Discrimination Act, amongst other topics. We then shifted to gay marriage. Will peppered our heated talk with the Seinfeld-esque statement of "I don't have a problem with you and your partner being together" and "I'm on your side." Will was trotting out the argument of how marriage is a religious institution and that's why some people are resistant. I countered with that religious institutions have their own perogative but marriage has a legal definition as well, and this is what is in question right now.
Will: Why not just have a civil union? It's like marriage.
Me: 'Cause even with my domestic partnership only goes so far. With marriage, there are over a 1000 rights and priviledges that come with it. Domestic partnership doesn't go very far and with that, I still have to do a lot more legal work to make sure we are fully covered. And this ends at the border of California.
Will: Well, I--
Me: Dude, let me finish. I find it insulting that two drunk shmoes in Vegas can go through a drive-thru wedding chapel--
Betty: --with an Elvis impersonator--
Me: -- and get married and it's recognized in all 50 states and aboard. I find that so insulting.
Will then started babbling about how the gay community should have gone to the church to address this issue to get them on their side. Mark and I tell him that it's churches and synagogues and it's more complicated than that. After again affirming that he supports me, Will went on to say that church members view gay marriage as they do other sins and it should be taken as such.
Me: Like what? Name one. Name one.
Will [after a long pause]: Like stealing.
Mark bursts out laughing, as I totally roll my eyes. At this point, I looked around and realized that the whole story room had stopped what they've been doing and have been watching the action for a while now. It got to the point where I didn't even realize that one of the editors has sat beside me, literally sitting at the edge of his char, staring at us.
Will: Look, I'm all for you and your partner establishing a contract together, but if the gay community is really wants equal rights, then they should take civil unions. It's just as good as marriage.
Me [looking at Will's wedding ring]: Well, if it's good enough, then why don't you take it then? Why don't you take a civil union?
Will stares at me silently.
Me: See? Didn't think so. It's not as good, dude. It's not.
The discussion then wrapped up quickly and Will retreated into his edit bay for the remainder of the day. My coworkers took turns telling me that Will is just a redneck and that all people from the South don't share those beliefs (I assured them I knew that). This chat was great for me, because it really helped me sharpen my debating skills. It also put me in a weird spot. After this, not only am I the gay gay in the office, I'm The Gay Guy. The first thing people will remember me as is "hey, I know Jon. He's the gay guy I worked with who took Will down a few pegs." I spent a long time when I was younger staying away from being The Gay Guy and now I became him. With the battle for gay marriage looming here and one of our most important elections coming up, I will embrace being The Gay Guy.
Jon: Gay Guy.
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