Jeez Jon

One Bit of Good News

My car is completely paid off.   That sound you just heard was me letting out a huge sigh of relief.

Word Usage Amongst Douchebags

Apparently, someone threw a shoe at Queen of the Stone Age's lead singer Josh Homme at a recent concert and hit him.  Understandably, he got quite upset, and proceeded the chew the kid out, dropping the "faggot" word several times and threatening the teenager with anal rape.  After getting flack for his words, he then issued a non-apology apology that he's not homophobic and people need to lighten up about their language. Here's the video: [Warning:  the language is very rough]

 Okay, look. Here's the deal.  If someone threw a shoe at me, I'd be pissed too.  Yes, I'd even yell at the kid who did it.  And yes, I'd use some rated-R language.  But what I don't understand is the leap from "What the fuck did you just do" to "I'm going to buttfuck you in front of all of your friends", as if this is the most humiliating insult one could to to another.  So that insult?  Is homophobic and yes, douche, that makes you, in that instant, a homophobe.  And then to go on and say that people need to lighten up about their language then just cements how much of a total douchebag you are, Josh Homme. 

For me, it's the same thing as Mel Gibson's anti-Jewish tirade when he was arrested and other public figures who say horrible things under the influence of either drugs, alcohol or flu medication (like Josh Homme).  Just because you are under the weather doesn't excuse any behavior you do, and that includes saying horrible things.  The excuse of "Oh, that's the alcohol talking" or "I was mad" or "I had a fever" really doesn't cut it with me.  At all.  No one I know, myself included, ever saying anything way out of character if their drunk or buzzed or under the weather.  They may say some loopy things, but never something completely out of context with their character or something that they didn't believe.  I've been buzzed plenty of times but I've never said the earth was flat and gravity was a myth.  I've been sick before, and not once have I ever start saying that Jews are the root of all evil or that golf is a fascinating sport to watch.  Doesn't happen. 

So, why did Josh Homme make the leap from being mad to dropping the f-word and threatening sexual violence on a teenager?  Because he's a homophobe. Dude, seek some help and when you issue an actual apology for your words, then come talk to me.  Before then, keep your distance, douchebag.

Objects In Motion

I'm now back in the fold here at Trading Spaces after having finished on Frothy Basic Cable Docu-Soap.  I'll be here throughout the summer and into the beginning of the fall. Couple this with no travel planned for the foreseeable future and you see how the concept of settling in has taken over my brain.  I have my job ahead of me, some auditions in the horizon (...okay, one, but that's better than nuthin'), the general election campaign well under way, and summer movie season already upon us.  Kinda in the mood to just go with the flow, and let things ride. Work, hang out, repeat:  my decadent Hollywood lifestyle. 

Part of my routine is, of course, the commute. When I previously worked on Trading Spaces, my commute ranged between 55 minutes to 1 1/2 hours each way.  And that's just from my apartment in NE Los Angeles to Beverly Hills.  Fortunately, this time around, they have moved offices.  So my new commute?  Between 10 to 20 minutes.  That's it.  Quite a relief, as you can imagine. During said commute, I usually listen to NPR or whatever CDs that are parked in the player.  For the past couple weeks, it's a New Order box set and the new Madonna.  So, usually after my drive, my head sounds like this:

Not bad, huh?

Colorado Leads The Way Again

I think in light of recent events, maybe this South Park clip sums everything up really well.

So good.

I Am The Gay Guy, Koo Koo Ka-Choo

Human beings are composed of many things: carbon, oxygen, amino acids, proteins, organs, hair, eyes, etc.  Personality-wise, we have facets as well.  We aren't always the same thing all the time.  We have consistent personality traits, to be sure, but we do have layers to us.  I've always seen myself as the following word salad of traits:

• Male
• Actor
• Family member
• Friend
• Nerd
• Hard Worker
• Partner
• Gay Guy
• Creative Person
• Pop Culture Enthusiast
• Trivia Hound
• Politics Junkie
• Lover of Food

Etc, etc. Notice how "gay guy" isn't at the top of the list.  Or in the top 5.  I've rarely seen myself solely through the gay lens, but it has always loomed large in my life.  While I'm not terribly butch, I am pretty "straight acting", as we say.  I've never really been "The Gay Guy", even with my friends, even in college. My priorities have always gone towards work -- a trait I picked up from my father. Everything else would come after work and family (and for a good deal of my life they were one and the same).

Even after I came out at the ripe old age of 20, my focus was school and being an actor. Obviously, I was interested in guys and dating them, I was really at a loss in relating to the bulk of gay culture at that heady time in the early 90's. While I did have a lot of stereotypical gay tastes (Madonna, show tunes, campy movies, Thai food, David Duchovny), there was a lot of me that didn't (expensive clothes, loads of disposable income, engaging in catty putdowns of complete strangers).  So, there I was, the atypical gay guy, the guy that would reveal his sexual orientation to people and they would give that nod of "Ahh, okay." This is how I see myself to this day, even with Tom being in my life for so long.  Even though I'm gay, I don't hang out in West Hollywood often (and I barely did on Halsted back in Chicago either).  Tom and I don't have a lot of gay friends, but we love the few we do have.  I just chugged along, being the "Oh, and I'm gay" dude. 

Fortunately, working in the entertainment industry, I'm usually not the ONLY gay man working on a project.  As you can imagine, very frequently on film, TV and commercial sets, there are gays all over the place.  Wardrobe, makeup, writers, fellow actors, etc.  In my day job world of reality television, the gays and lesbians made up a good sizable section of most of my work environments.  I'd roll from show to show, and invariably, I'd encounter fellow gay story assists, executive producers, accountants, editors, etc.  Very rarely, I'm the only gay person... like I am at my current job on New Frothy Basic Cable Docu-Soap. 

Which brings us to last week.  The same day we got the news about the California Supreme Court decision about gay marriage, I got into a... discussion with one of our editors about the 2008 election.  This editor (we'll call him Will), is pretty conservative, and usually commiserates about politics with Mark, our libertarian story producer.  Mark asked me and my writing partner Betty who we were supporting, and we both said Obama.

Will:  Obama?!  How could you possibly support Obama?

Me: Uh... [pausing to think of the 1000 some reasons as to why]... well, my big issue is gay rights and Obama is the most progressive amongst the remaining candidates when it comes to gay issues.

Will [dismissive]: Psssht, what could he possibly do to help on that if he's president?

Me:  Well, a lot of things, actually.

I spent the bulk of our conversation schooling him about what really happened with "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", the Employee Non-Discrimination Act, amongst other topics.  We then shifted to gay marriage.  Will peppered our heated talk with the Seinfeld-esque statement of "I don't have a problem with you and your partner being together" and "I'm on your side." Will was trotting out the argument of how marriage is a religious institution and that's why some people are resistant.  I countered with that religious institutions have their own perogative but marriage has a legal definition as well, and this is what is in question right now.

Will:  Why not just have a civil union? It's like marriage.

Me:  'Cause even with my domestic partnership only goes so far.  With marriage, there are over a 1000 rights and priviledges that come with it.  Domestic partnership doesn't go very far and with that, I still have to do a lot more legal work to make sure we are fully covered.  And this ends at the border of California.

Will:  Well, I--

Me: Dude, let me finish.  I find it insulting that two drunk shmoes in Vegas can go through a drive-thru wedding chapel--

Betty: --with an Elvis impersonator--

Me: -- and get married and it's recognized in all 50 states and aboard.  I find that so insulting.

Will then started babbling about how the gay community should have gone to the church to address this issue to get them on their side.  Mark and I tell him that it's churches and synagogues and it's more complicated than that.  After again affirming that he supports me, Will went on to say that church members view gay marriage as they do other sins and it should be taken as such.

Me: Like what? Name one.  Name one.

Will [after a long pause]: Like stealing.

Mark bursts out laughing, as I totally roll my eyes. At this point, I looked around and realized that the whole story room had stopped what they've been doing and have been watching the action for a while now. It got to the point where I didn't even realize that one of the editors has sat beside me, literally sitting at the edge of his char, staring at us. 

Will: Look, I'm all for you and your partner establishing a contract together, but if the gay community is really wants equal rights, then they should take civil unions.  It's just as good as marriage.

Me [looking at Will's wedding ring]: Well, if it's good enough, then why don't you take it then?  Why don't you take a civil union?

Will stares at me silently.

Me: See? Didn't think so. It's not as good, dude. It's not. 

The discussion then wrapped up quickly and Will retreated into his edit bay for the remainder of the day.  My coworkers took turns telling me that Will is just a redneck and that all people from the South don't share those beliefs (I assured them I knew that).  This chat was great for me, because it really helped me sharpen my debating skills.  It also put me in a weird spot.  After this, not only am I the gay gay in the office, I'm The Gay Guy. The first thing people will remember me as is "hey, I know Jon. He's the gay guy I worked with who took Will down a few pegs."  I spent a long time when I was younger staying away from being The Gay Guy and now I became him.  With the battle for gay marriage looming here and one of our most important elections coming up, I will embrace being The Gay Guy. 

Jon: Gay Guy.

And So It Begins...

Over IM, this morning:

JON: Hey.

JON: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080515/ap_on_re_us/gay_marriage

TOM: Wow.

TOM: Christ, now we'll get the nagging.

Finally, California Does Something Right

The California Supreme Court has ruled that gay marriage bans are unconstitutional, paving the way for full marriage equality here in America's most populous state.  This is huge.  Massive. Awesome. But, we're not out of the woods yet.  There's a push to change the California Constitution to ban gay marriage. Fortunately, there's a lot of people against that, including our governator:

I respect the Court’s decision and as Governor, I will uphold its ruling.  Also, as I have said in the past, I will not support an amendment to the constitution that would overturn this state Supreme Court ruling.

[Link courtesy of Andrew Sullivan]

So, for the time being, this is fantastic news. 

As I Lay Flying

Between the tour for the movie last year and my recent trip to visit the family, I've done a lot of flying in the past year and a half.  During all of this travel, I've come up with my flying routine. And the following, what I'd like to call, my Aero Manifesto.

• Carry On Luggage.  I can understand that you can bring on one personal item and one carry-on item allowed by Homeland Security, but honestly, do you really need both?  Every time I fly, my small messenger bag is my sole carry on.  In it, I pack at least one book, some gum, a pen, Sudoku or crossword puzzle, my Discman (I don't have an iPod, sue me), some CDs, pens, and whatever travel itinerary is needed for the trip. By using such a small bag, I can shove it under the seat in front of me with still having room for me to stretch out. 
• Following Directions.  FAA rules say that you have to follow what the flight crew says to you. These rules are to help ensure everyone's safety on the flight.  So, Jerkhole on my American Airlines flight from Chicago to LA who got yelled at for getting your bag out of the overhead compartment during takeoff?  You deserve to have gotten yelled at by the flight attendant.  Also, when the plane lands and the flight attendant says to wait until the captain turns off the "Fasten Seat Belt" sign before you unfasten your seat belt, he/she says that for a reason as well.  'Cause the plane still has a while to taxi to the gate, tools.  It always infuriates me when I see these impatient dolts jumping out of their chairs as the plane is still taxiing to the gate.  Grrr....
• Supply Your Own Entertainment. The approved-for-all-audiences flight entertainment might not necessarily be your cup of tea.  While my niece Alli really enjoyed 27 Dresses, I didn't on my flight (or at least what I saw of it with the sound off on the monitors).  So, hence, I bring the book, the CDs, the Sudoku. 
• Some Crying Is Okay.  During my travels, I've had my fair share of kids and babies on my flights.  Guess what?  Babies will cry during take off and landing, so deal. I usually am prepared for the worst from kids, but I've been fortunate in my recent travels where the babies have been very well behaved. Crying from adults, however? That depends...
• Food. Every hack comic does the bit about how bad airplane food is because it's mostly true.  But on most of the domestic flights I've been on lately, that hasn't been much of a problem... 'cause there hasn't been any food.  Yes, I can pay $3 for a pack of oversalted potato crisps on the plane, but I don't consider that a meal.  So, I'll bring something on from the food court area. I mean, dude, really?  You expect me to pay $4 for a small chocolate chip cookie?  Don't think so. So, fight the power and bring in your own snacks. 

These personal guidelines have always steered me right, even when things go wrong, like delayed flights.  I'm one of those weird types who really enjoys flying. I find it amazing that we as humans can go such large distances in a such a fantastic manner.  Even though I may get rather cranky on long flights, I would rather spend 4 hours flying to visit my family then spend a few days driving there.  I've done both, and even though the road trip was a good experience, I'd rather fly there so I can spend more time with my loved ones.  And with the Aero Manifesto, I can do it with my sanity intact. 

Go Midwestern, Young Man!

Tom and I are in Illinois currently for a nice long weekend for a first communion for one of Tom's 18 nieces and nephews (and no, I'm not exaggerating).  It was nice to step outside and feel a bit of nice humidity, actually hear some real thunder and look around at my old environs here in Chicagoland.  So we head to the Republican stronghold that is Central Illinois for the communion tomorrow afternoon but in the meantime, Tom and I are hanging with my parents here in the Windy City... well, in a suburb bordering Chicago, which would make it Windy City-adjacent.

As I'm in a familial mood, I want to take a second and wish my older brother Matt a belated happy birthday (as it was yesterday).  He's the one that lives in Italy, and is the very, very talented artist.  You can check out his website here.  Happy (belated) birthday, bro.  Drink yourself silly this weekend. 

Ones Are The Loneliest Numbers... And The Most Irritating

Lately I've been privy to a lot of conversation amongst my single friends and co-workers.  They will go on and on about their mating rituals and etiquette and blah-blah-blah.  "I can't believe he wanted to split the check!"  "Why would he say that in an IM?"  "I really do like her, but I don't know..."  And while I'm sympathetic and I try my best to be a good listener, I can't help that a huge chunk of me... well, doesn't give a rat's ass.  I've been with Tom for so long and I don't see myself with anyone else, so even the concept of trying to date kinda confuses me.  My single days are 14 years behind me, so when my single friends & co-workers ask me for my opinion, I do my best, but it's like me trying to speak Klingon or something.  I can make some words and sounds that come close to what they're talking about, but fundamentally I really don't understand.

I think also the big gulf in my lack of understanding is that all of these single friends and co-workers are straight.  Way back in the early to mid-90's when I was single, I never really encountered the whole mating dance of the etiquette of only calling someone after a few days or so-and-so picking up the check.  In my (rather limited) experience, we gays would sometimes split the check, other times one of us would pay for it. Case closed.  We all have lives to lead, jobs to work, so why should things be this complicated? I'll hear the straight single friends and co-workers go on and on and on about their dating foibles about who should do what and yadda yadda yadda and it takes almost all of my energy to prevent myself from rolling my eyes and giving out a big Who Gives A Shit sigh.

My singledom time I view in the same way as high school: a period of my life that happened a long while ago that I have absolutely no interest in revisiting.  I know myself so much better now and like myself so much better now than I did what I was single and when I was high school, so why even talk about it now?  Maybe that's where my apathy comes from.

To be clear, I do have some great single friends who DON'T talk about their dating foibles and who don't go on and on about their lack of a significant other.  Occasionally, they will sigh and wish they had someone, but that's about it.  Those friends tend to define themselves by their jobs or interests or their belief structures first, and everything else second, which is why I prefer to hang out with them, I think.  'Cause, honestly, if I want to hear someone kvetch about their single adventures, I'll watch Sex and the City.  At least that'll be funnier and I can turn it off whenever I want to.