Jeez Jon

A Meh Milestone

At about 5:45am CST, I turned 36 years old today.  It's a number without a 5 or a 0 or a 9, so it's kinda one of those meh birthday markers.  I'm now definitely in the latter part of my mid-30's and about to stumble into my late-30's, which means 40 is ever closer. Yikes.  The one thing people do tell me is that I don't look my age. I look younger. My TV/Film agent still sends me out for mid to late 20's roles, which is good to hear.  My first television role was as a high school senior when I was 28 years old, so I guess that should have been a sign. Not that I'm complaining, mind you...

So far, it's been a good birthday.  Saturday Katie popped for a very nice birthday dinner for Tom and I at a very, very, very nice place in Topanga. This just reconfirms that Katie is just one of the coolest chicks ever. It was great just to spend time with her.  So, thanks, Katie. 

Tonight, Tom and I are off for some celebratory sushi, which will be great.  I've received some great messages during the day, birthday wishes from old friends and new ones. So, while things haven't exactly gone my way lately, I'm trying to accentuate the positive.  We'll see. 

The Legendary Tale Of Evil Swine, Part 2

When we last left off, my professional relationship with my manager Evil Swine ended in a horribly unprofessional manner, leaving me both agog and aghast.  He claimed he has wanted to talk to me about it once he came back from his trip.  He never called.

My attitude towards Evil Swine continued, and so did my life.  I was busy with commercial auditions, while continuing my job logging footage for Project Greenlight. One day, I had three, which, as you can imagine, was awesome.  And one of them, I landed... a Beer Commercial.  Tah-dah!  I was to shoot it in a couple days, and in the meantime, I decided to swing by my commercial agency to drop off some thank-you gifts to my agents there.  The gifts?  Why, six-packs of the beer, of course.  So, I made my hops-infused rounds at the agency, and ended them with one of the partners there, who happened to be the ex of Evil Swine.  Let's call her Adda.  While they had stopped dating, they were still on very friendly terms.   

Adda: Oh, thank you, Jon! That's awesome. 

Me: Well, thank you for all of your hard work on my behalf. I really appreciate it.

Adda: Likewise. Hey, are you looking for another manager right now?

Me:  No. I'm done with managers for a while.

Adda [intrigued]:  Really?

Me:  No, Adda.  You know how long [Evil Swine] and I have known each other, right?

Adda: Yeah.

Me: Well, he dropped me through e-mail.  So, the last thing I'd--

Adda: He dropped you through E-MAIL?!?!

Me:  Yeah.

Adda:  That motherfucker.  What is  fucking wrong with him?

Me [shrugging]:  Well...

Adda: I'm going to fucking yell at him at spin class tomorrow.  Jon, I am so sorry he did that to you.

Me:  Thanks.

The next morning, I pull up to the Beer Commercial shoot, anxious and excited.  I'm thrilled about doing another commercial, and nervous about me screwing up.  As I'm waiting for the security guard to open the gate to the parking lot, my cell phone rings.  It's Evil Swine, saying he's been so busy and just had the time to get back to talk to me.  Right.   I told him that I'd be willing to talk to him in a couple days, I was shooting the commercial.  He congratulated me. I said a very terse "Thank you", and said I'd call him later on that day to schedule something. 

The shoot for Beer Commercial went very well, and I was particularly proud of doing my closeup in only 3 takes.  As I was driving home, I called Evil Swine and told him when I'd be willing to meet with him.  ES asked if it could be pushed a day, as it was better for his schedule.  I said fine.  A couple days passed, and then he e-mailed, saying something had come up and we'd have to push it.  I called him back, not hiding my annoyance of having to rearrange my schedule for him.

Evil Swine: Look, Jon, I know you want to do this on your schedule, but I'm dealing with a lot right now. 

Okay, a side note.  I really, really, really hate the "I'm so busy" line, from pretty much everybody. You know who's also busy?  Me.  You know who has stuff going on?  Me. You know who organizes his time to make sure to get stuff done?  Me.  So, don't pull the "other people are busy, so you can't be" excuse.  He did that with me a lot when we were used to be working together, and it annoyed the crap out of me, especially considering I worked way harder than most of his clients. 

Back to the phone call.  So, I begrudgingly accepted his request to push our tete-a-tete back another couple days.  In the meantime, I did want most people would do:  rehearsing what I would say to him. As I was driving to and from work, I went over my little monologue of telling him how much of an asshole he was, how horribly unprofessional he behaved, etc. 

Then, the day arrived.  We were to meet after I finished work at a coffee shop down the street from the Greenlight office. I got there a couple minutes early, and I decided to sit outside, just in case he pulled something.  See, I'd heard he had been acting rather irrationally lately, like pushing a friend of mine down a flight of stairs.  So, I figured having plenty of witnesses around would be a wise choice.  I'd also heard he was starting therapy, which I (naively) had hoped would make him more open and receptive.

Evil Swine then showed up.  He looked rather worn out, and was profusely smoking. I said hello to him rather coldly, and sat down.  He sat down across from me and crossed his legs, and at that moment, I realized this was a bad idea.  In my life, I've had plenty of friends and acquaintances go into therapy.  They usually fall into two categories: one is "I'm open and listening and I'm examining my life" and the other is  "I'm going to talk in a wall of psychobabble to justify my completely self-absorbed behavior to try to shelter myself from the fact that I'm an asshole."  He was squarely in the latter.  Realizing that I wasn't really going to get the closure I'd wanted, I decided to go more business-like with our conversation.  I told him that he seriously disrespected me with his mishandling of our working relationship. 

Evil Swine:  Jon... of course I respect you.  I have nothing but respect for you.  I'm sorry that you feel this way, but that was the choice I made at the time.  I was scared of how you would react, and I went into a defensive posture to protect my well-being.

Inside, I completely rolled my eyes.  He then went on to say that he was running a business out of his house and that was completely stressing him out. I told him that my parents have done that since I was in the 2nd grade, so I was the only one of his clients who could actually appreciate what he was going through.  He agreed with me, and then went right back into the psychobabble.  At that point, I gave up.  I decided to just let him talk and talk and talk.  See, he wasn't there to really listen to me.  He was there to alleviate his guilt for what he did, period.  This was something he could tell his therapist he did in order to check off on some list as he continued on his path... or whatever. 

After a while, he said he sorry he had to leave.  We walked to our cars.  As we were about to part ways, he stopped me.

Evil Swine: I know you didn't say all you wanted to say to me tonight, and I want you to know that I want to continue this later.  Call me and we can talk more, okay?

Me: Sure. 

He then moved in to hug me and I backed off.  I put out my hand

Me: Good night, [Evil Swine].

Evil Swine:  Oh, what?  We don't hug anymore?

Me: No.

Evil Swine: You know, Jon?  Sometimes you can be a little bitch.

Me:  You know what, [Evil Swine].  I try. 

...Okay, not the best comeback, I know.  I can't be all witty and All About Eve 24/7. 

We parted company, and I never saw him again.  I mean, I knew this whole confab was bullshit, anyway.  The only reason he called me was because his ex-girlfriend embarrassed him and yelled at him.  If I hadn't, Evil Swine wouldn't have bothered. 

In the 6 years since, I've bumped into some of his former clients since, and they all told me the same story.  Evil Swine started to deteriorate, losing clients and friends slowly but surely.  His erratic behavior grew worse due to one big reason:  drugs.  Well, two: he's an asshole as well.   

Two years ago, I was at my 5th audition for a Quirky Drama, and the casting director was a friend of Evil Swine.  We were waiting for the  showrunner to show up for the casting, so we  were all sitting around the casting director's office, waiting.  The Casting Director asked me how I was, and we chatted for a bit.  She asked me if I'd heard from Evil Swine in a while, and I told her the story.  Her jaw dropped. 

Casting Director: Oh, well, I think I can top that.  I got a call a year ago from a sanitarium in Missouri, asking about [Evil Swine]. 

Me: What?

Casting Director: It was from their Human Resource Department.  He put me down as a reference... for a janitor job. 

Me: Oh. Wow.

Every now and then, I'll think of Evil Swine.  I've definitely grown a lot since then.  I've made an award-winning movie, done more TV roles, and more commercials.  While I'm not where I want to be, I'm a lot closer than I used to be.  A couple months after the blow up and the last meeting with Evil Swine, I recounted the story to my friend Cindi.  Afterwards, she smiled. 

Cindi: Well, Jon, you're going to need something for your E! True Hollywood Story. 

So true, Cindi.  So true.

The Legendary Tale Of Evil Swine, Part 1

Question: Do you have any friends?
Answer:  Yes.
Question: Do you have any enemies?
Answer: Of course I do. It's a sign of character.

-- A favorite exchange I heard many moons ago. 

Like so many stories of foes, the man I will hereby refer to as Evil Swine started as a friend... well, a business associate.  ES was the producer of the first professional play I did once I had graduated college.  I was offered the Male Understudy, meaning I learned the parts of the three male actors in the show.  Each of them was playing 3 roles a piece; by doing the math, yes, I had to learn 9 roles.  But as an eager young 20-something, it was a task I was up for. 

Evil Swine: It's a lot of work, but we'd love for you to do it.  And you'd have guaranteed performances.

Me:  Well... if I can be mercenary about this for a minute--

Evil Swine: Please.

Me:  Will I be getting paid for this?

Evil Swine: Of course you would.

I said yes.  It was fall of 1995, my first real paying acting job, and I threw myself into the job with gusto. ES appreciated that.  And since I was being appreciated for my hard work, I worked that much harder.  This turned into a solid working relationship with both ES and our director, Ann.  We did 4 plays together, including one of my few leading roles in a satirical late night show.  We were all working on the same wavelength, making each other laugh, and entertaining the tens of... people who would see our plays each night.  It was quite nice, to be perfectly honest.

As is the situation for the majority of theater artists... well, anywhere, we all had day jobs.  Mine at the time was temping.  ES's was working in publicity for a promotions company. It was the perfect job for ES -- he was one of those few people born with the gift of knowing what to say to the right person at the right time.  He excelled at this. But, like with most things, Evil Swine hit his ceiling and wanted to try something new.  At this time, I had finally signed with a couple agencies in Chicago (you can be with multiple agents in the Windy City -- LA has a different set up.  --Ed.).  One of the younger agents at one of these agencies (let's call her Betsy) sent me my first commercial audition with them, and I booked it.  This impressed her, and I did my very first commercial -- hugging a big plant puppet. I struck up a friendship with Betsy, cemented with me bringing me some veggies and homemade peanut sauce as a thank-you for the booking.  She had had the peanut sauce at a party ES threw the previous weekend, and raved about it.  She became good friends with ES, and then one Christmas season, she and ES were at Tom's and mine apartment on Ashland in Andersonville for a holiday party.  In the kitchen, the two of them cornered me and said that they had something they had wanted to ask me.

Betsy: We're opening our own small agency.  The two of us.  And we'd like you to sign with us.  Exclusively.

Evil Swine: We'd love to have you.  No, Jon, we need to have you on board.

Me: Well... hell yeah! 

We all clinked glasses.  By now Evil Swine was more than just a business acquaintance. He was a friend.  We'd gone out to eat together, hung out together, chatted, debated, listened to each other's issues... we'd run the gamut.  He even did publicity for the one-act play I produced and directed.  And this great opportunity fell into my lap -- an agent I really respected and a friend of mine were going to be handling me exclusively... I couldn't lose! 

Well, I didn't lose, but I didn't win, either.  They did get me some good auditions -- one for the Brian Denehy production of Death of a Salesman.  I had one of the best auditions for my life for the role of Bernard, but I was too young.  I'd some small triumphs -- a few non-union commercials here and there, but the amount of auditions I was getting was pretty pitiful.  I was doing some theater, including some work in Jean Cocteau's version of Oedipus (which requires its own blog entry, trust me) that I was pretty proud of... which neither Betsy nor Evil Swine saw.  See, there's an adage out here in Los Angeles: if you're an actor here, there are 20 people who look exactly like you.  Well, I'm different.  I have a very specific look.  So, really, there are about 5 of us who look alike.  But in Chicago, no one looked like me, which meant for as a conservative a market it is, they didn't know what to do with me.  I'd hit my ceiling, and that's when Tom and I decided to move out west.

At the same time, ES had hit his ceiling as well.  He really wanted to give LA a try... as a manager. For the uninitiated, an agent is your legal representation for the submission of auditions and negotiations of contracts.  Technically, they are supposed to handle the day-to-day submission process for their clients.  Managers, on the other hand, handle fewer clients but are more involved. They serve as the go-between from the agent to the actor, and help guide their clients through the big maze of Hollywood. They tend to go for the long-term view of their clients' careers, and this is what ES wanted to do.  Knowing he was moving out to LA a few months before I would,  I asked him if he could manage me.

Evil Swine:  Jon, it would be my pleasure.

Tom and I moved out here, got settled, and I contacted ES.  It was May 1999, and little did I know that within about 2 years, we would no longer be talking to each other.

One of the few good things ES did for me was get me auditions with agents.  In my first two weeks out here, I interviewed with two commercial agencies.  One was huge and the other was a lot smaller and more personable.  True, it had a skeezy vibe that I couldn't quite place my finger on (or would want to) but I felt less like a cog in a wheel there, so I decided to go with them.  They hip pocketed me, which meant they were representing me without having me sign a contract with them.  In most cases, this would have been bad for me.  It wasn't. (More on that in another post).  So, after two weeks of landing in LA, I was out on auditions.  This is big, guys.  A lot of actors I know took years to land an agent, and I did mine in 2 weeks, thanks to ES. 

So, during this honeymoon period, I was going out on auditions, landing a few jobs, and making myself and ES a bit of money.  ES had a stable of actors, about 14 at the time.  We would hang out together, help each other with auditions, moving, even doing workshops with casting directors.  This was all ES's idea -- we would for a small group that would stick together and help each other.   Considering the all-for-one attitude we had when we did theater together and since that had worked out well for me, I bought it.  Hook, line and sinker.  We were all working together to help each other, be a team. You know...  like a cult.

One day, Evil Swine called me to his apartment -- that's where his office was. He sat me down.

Evil Swine: Jon, I have to tell you something.

Me: Okay...

Evil Swine: I'm going to have to back burner you.

Me: Okay... why?

Evil Swine:  Well, it's really hard for me to get [TV/film] casting directors to see you, 'cause you aren't SAG.  I have to focus my time on my other, union clients. 

Having a SAG card in Los Angeles is the key to the city -- once you have a SAG card, you can do Union work, and that's 90% of the paying work in this town that can actually sustain you.  And while I had landed a couple commercials, I hadn't gotten that card yet.  By this time, I was SAG-eligible, meaning I had one SAG job under by belt but I didn't join the union yet... by paying the $1200 initiation fee.

Back to Evil Swine.  With this information in my head, and his past history, I bought what he said.  "Sure, ES, that's okay.  I understand.  I'll try to do better."  Looking back now, I'm thinking "What an idiot!"  I mean, what the hell was my problem?  Did my self-esteem completely leave me?  But no, I bought it.  So, while his other clients were starting to get more attention and more jobs, I was off on the side.  Sure, I was taking classes and yes, I manage to land a few stray TV/Film jobs, but I was languishing. 

Summer of 2000, ES had done his one last good thing for me: he got me an audition with my current commercial agent.  The other one and he weren't getting along, so he was in the process of having us all leave Commercial Agent #1.  He got me the audition with Current Commercial Agent, and it worked out beautifully.  I read copy for them, and they made me an offer on the spot. On the third audition I went for them, I booked my 2nd union commercial,and joined SAG... 3 days into the SAG commercial strike in 2000, thinking it would be over in a couple weeks.  It dragged on for 6 months.  So, I didn't work, except for a one-line role on Boston Public that my new (and current) TV/Film Agent got for me. 

I went the next year busting my ass.  I did commercial auditions, workshops, acting classes, TV auditions, you name it.  And Evil Swine was lavishing attention on the other clients.  My calls started not getting returned. I'd call him on it, and he'd swing around at me, saying how difficult it was for him as he was doing this on his own, no assistants, etc.  My parents have owned and operated a business out of the house I grew up in since I was 7, so I knew where he was coming from, and he knew that about me. 

Summer of 2001 starts off.  I'm logging for Project Greenlight and am really enjoying myself... as much as I could for that job, I mean.  It was a nice steady income, and a job where I could come and go to any audition without a problem.  By this time, I had grown pretty annoyed with Evil Swine's lack of attention, so I started to look elsewhere, looking for a new manager. Up to this point, I was defending him to people, like a battered spouse.  "Sure, I know he hasn't returned my calls for a couple days," I'd protest.  "Maybe he's tired."  But, I'd had enough.

One day, out of the blue, he sent an e-mail about to all of his clients, saying that he wasn't going to take commissions off of our commercial residuals anymore.  Thinking that he was doing what was right for him, I said "Okay."  I find out later that out of his 12 clients, I was one of two who did say yes.  Apparently, agreeing with what he wanted to do was the beginning of the end. 

About a month later, out of the blue, he e-mails me, saying that we need to talk and what was my schedule like.  This put me on edge, considering that he knew what my schedule was like.  As I was only working about 3 miles away from him, I said I was working from 9 to 6, but we could always meet for lunch or after work.  A few days go by and nothing. 

Then, on a Friday afternoon, I come back to the office from a "smoking break" with my colleagues at Greenlight.  By "smoking break", it was our twice-daily break where we all took a walk around the block to get some fresh air.  I get settled back at my desk, and check my e-mail.  "Wow," I thought.  "Why did Evil Swine send me a 10k sized e-mail?"  Innocently enough, I open the e-mail.  You can see this coming, can't you? 

Evil Swine started off by saying he didn't have a lot of time 'cause he was going out of town, he was super busy, etc.  He then went on to say that due to his lack of resources, he was cutting client base by half, losing 5 of his clients.  I was one of them.  He went on to say how he agonized about this decision, how difficult this was for him considering we had known each other for so long, etc.  He ended the e-mail by saying I could call him so we can meet up once he got back, but his cell phone battery was dying, and it would be difficult for him to answer calls.

I sat at my desk, just staring at the monitor.  Everyone else was working away, watching footage, typing in what they saw into a proprietary version of FileMakerPro.  I was just so mad I didn't know what to do.  I slowly got up, and walked out, saying I had to make a phone call. The instant I got outside, I called Tom and told him what happened.  Have you ever been so angry you don't really feel much of anything?  That's where I was.  After all this time, after how long we've known each other, after how many times I've gotten his back and defended him, he does this?  To me?  Tom consoled me, told me what an asshole Evil Swine was, and we'd talk about it later. 

I walked back up to my desk, quietly fuming.  I replied to Evil Swine's e-mail, telling him he handled this poorly and it was a very shitty way of doing things.  Evil Swine responded to that e-mail, apologizing further, saying he'll talk to me later.  I fumed the rest of the night.  Tom and I were supposed to see Moulin Rouge! that night with our friends Sam and Bonnie, but we got to the theater too late and it was sold out.  Bonnie had received bad news about her job and I was beyond angry about what happened with ES, we all decided to go eat something horrible for us and just vent.

I was mad all weekend.  That Saturday was one of the few times I've woken up angry (I don't recommend it.).  ES had gone out of town, and had proceeded to tell everyone that yes, Jon is no longer one of my clients.  So, I did the same - I told my agents that  ES and I were no longer working together.  The funny thing was when I told all my friends and family about what ES did, they all had the same reaction:

"You know what, Jon?  I never liked him anyway."

About a month later, I was a commercial audition where I bumped into another one of ES's clients... one of the ones he had kept.  This guy, however, I had always liked and we'd always gotten along great.  He asked me if I was joining him and ES out for bowling that night.

Me: Oh no.  That would involve ES actually trying to talk to me. 

Cool Actor Friend:  Oh. I take it things didn't end well, huh?

Me: No, they didn't. ES dropped me through e-mail.

His jaw dropped. He didn't believe it. He offered to talk to Evil Swine and give him "a what-for", but I said no.  I just wanted to move on.  After that audition, it galled me even further to think about what happened. Yes, Evil Swine told people that he dropped me but he conveniently left out how. 

Next, I'll tell you how we met up again... for the last time. 

Figure 8

First, THE RULES:
1. All right, here are the rules.
2. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
3. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
4. People who are tagged write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
5. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

I got tagged by the cool bstewart, so who am I to say no to doing a meme? Since I've already done a list of 50 along the same lines, I'll try to come up with 8 different facts/habits.

1. I Don't Like The Drugs And They Don't Like Me. My Taurusean nature kicks in when people try to make me do something I really don't want to do. Like, oh, let's say, drugs for instance. While my attitude towards pot is rather mediated in comparison, I absolutely hate drugs. I don't like being around them, I find them destructive, and well, they're expensive. I can totally understand the desire to escape, to temporarily flee from one's problems, but the idea of paying out buckets and buckets of cash for something that's ultimately quite destructive makes me nauseous. Given my distate for needles, I could never imagine injecting anything into one of my veins for "recreational" uses. So, no heroin for me, thanks. And with the episodic asthma, I really don't enjoy smoking or the concept of snorting anything. Couple that with just the sheer expense and the practical nature of my mind overrules any meager morbid interest in drugs. Now, if you wanna smoke marijuana at home, knock yourself out. Or take E or LSD or whatever. I really, really don't want to be around it, and I'll turn into a huge asshole if I am. Oh, and after being around a good deal of stoners in college, I'll pass on the marijuana. I can be pretentious and boring all on my own, thank you.

2. My Personal Philosophy: Forward Movement. If you believe in an afterlife or not, one thing you can agree on is you have one go-around in this life, so you should make the best of it. Ever since college, I've become convinced that in order to move on in life, you have to keep moving. To me, life is about trying to better one's self. Always growing, always challenging yourself, always trying something new, always trying to expand one's horizons. Being an actor means I've been subjected to A LOT of rejection. I've gotten used to it, and there are times where it really gets to me. But one thing I've found is that strength -- true strength -- is when you pick yourself up after being knocked down. It's easy to not move, to sit in a place of bitterness and judgement, and castigate everyone around you for what they're doing. I've never, ever wanted to be that big fish in a small pond -- the person who's so great in such a small environment that he gets scared of really putting himself out there. Hell, I even wrote a sketch about this very subject when I was at the Training Center of Second City. I may get knocked down, I may get off track, but I will always eventually pick up and keep moving.

3. I Forgive But Don't Forget. Maybe it's the Irish heritage, but I hold grudges. Not for everyone, mind you, but my grudge-holding comes out of a sense of self-respect. I tend to be a forgiving person. If someone has wronged me and apologizes, I'll accept it and then we can move on. But an apology only holds water if the behavior in question changes. If not, then the "I'm sorry" doesn't hold water. Let's face it: talk is cheap, and it's a person's actions who define who they are. So, if the person keeps wronging me for the same type of behavior and keeps apologizing but they don't change the behavior, then I lose my patience. Once this happens, I'm out. I cut myself off from that person and I don't ever want to deal with them again. Sure, I'm curious as to how they are, but that's about it. I don't see the point of revisiting a friendship with someone who has demonstrated a huge lack of respect to me by continually wronging me and not honoring an apology. (I will elaborate on this in a later post) And, for the record, I do my damnest to hold myself to same standard.

4. Heights don't bother me. I really don't have a problem with heights. Ladders, stairs, roller coasters, elevators, no problem. I kinda dig being high up, to be personally honest.

5. Kate Over Tori. I'll take Kate Bush over Tori Amos any day of the week. Both are very talented musicians, who've come up with great music during their careers. Both have tendencies to go way out there. The difference between the two, in my mind, is that I kind find a throughline in Kate's albums and I can't in Tori's. To date, I have never been able to finish listening to a Tori Amos album all the way through. I have, however, with Kate. Not all of them, mind you, but most of them.

6. Me and Leslie Gore. I'm a generally upbeat and positive person. I'm apparently so cheerful that Tom's said my theme song is "Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows". I'd never even heard of the song until it was featured on an episode of The Simpsons, but after a couple listens, it stuck in my head like glue. So, I guess it is a theme song of mine. Well, that and opening credits of Knight Rider.

7. Citrus. I like citrus: limes, lemons, oranges, grapefruit, you name it. I love putting a squeeze of lemon or lime into my Diet Cokes... or into seltzer water. It's refreshing.

8. Harvey Korman Is To Blame. Some actors will cite performances from Brando in "Streetcar Named Desire" or Pacino in "The Godfather" as inspiration for them to join the rank of thespians. (Hee!) But for me, I was 9 years old, watching Blazing Saddles on cable. Once Harvey Korman entered the screen as Hedly Lamarr, I was transfixed. It's an amazing performance: funny, extravagant, nuanced, specific and just plain old awesome. I watched Harvey Korman rip into each scene and thought "I want to do that. I want to do that for the rest of my life." And here we are.

All right, I'm supposed to tag 8 people, but frankly, I'll only tag a couple. Participation is, of course, voluntary. Do or don't, it's all good to me:

Great Hera!
Katie Doyle
Eclectica
Glitter
Punctuation Fetish

Sunday Night, I'm Invading Your Living Room... Via Basic Cable

That TV show I booked a bit ago?  Well, the episode is airing on Sunday at 8pm EST/PST.  The show is Side Order of Life on Lifetime.  I play a contestant in a definition bee - it's like a spelling bee but instead of spelling a word, you have have give its definition.  I have one line -- it's a punchline for a joke, which is great.  The downside of that is if the producers decided to nix the joke for time, my line's gone.  So, go ahead and tune in, but if I'm not there, you'll know why.  Cross your fingers, y'all.

Muzzling The Parrot

I'm exhausted.  Tired.  Pooped.  Spent.  But, here I am, because frankly, I feel inspired. For the reason why, let's travel back in time a bit. Say, a couple weeks ago...

Tom and I went with our buddy Seb drove six hours to a gaming convention to publicize Fellowship of the Dice.  Suffice it to say, things did not go very well.  Even though they had put together some screenings for the film, they didn't have the room ready for us.  Like, say, for instance, a screen on which to show the film.  So the brain trust who was running this inglorious convention brought in two screens to see which one would work.  Eventually, they got the damn screen up as a semi-eager crowd of people waited in the conference room, watching them do this.  Then the audio didn't work.  That got fixed and then they couldn't get the overhead lights to turn off. At this point, it was 9:20 pm, 20 minutes after the advertised 9pm start time.  As the crowd got antsy, they asked for us to play the film anyways, so we did.  The screening went as well as can be expected, but for obvious reasons, the film looked washed out. Afterwards, we shlepped over to our hotel, slept that night, and went back to the convention to do a Q&A about the film.  That was the convention runner's idea.  So, we did that.  2 people showed up - our friend Kevin who owns the film and his girlfriend.  I was just livid, angry, put out.  And most importantly, flippin' hungry 'cause we didn't have lunch yet. 

We bailed at that point.  We weren't planning on staying the whole time anyways, but this was just the last straw.  Tom, Seb and I got some nice healthy organic food, got into the car, and took the 6 hour drive back from Arizona to LA.  As I was working away at a Sudoku book, it hit me:

Pearls before swine.

That's what we just did.  We took our movie -- our lovely, non-perfect but very entertaining and goofy film -- and presented it to people who didn't respect us and didn't deserve it.   Of course, hindsight being 20/20, we should have completely cut our losses and not gone at all, but I came to this realization (or re-realization).  I'm not going to put up with people's crap anymore, and I won't waste my time on people who clearly don't deserve it. 

This hit me with such clarity, such force.  Maybe it was the combination of Diet Coke, Seb's J-Rock music and Sudoku boxes, I don't know.  All I know is that I'm not going to waste energy trying to impress people who just don't deserve it. I'm so much better than that, and what I have to offer is, too. This realization, this raison d'etre was further underlined when we were at PolyCon two weekends ago.  PolyCon was the complete opposite experience -- sure it was a bit of a hometown advantage, but those people loved the movie and liked the fact we were there.  They appreciated the film for what it was, and for that, I'm grateful.

For me, the experience in Arizona was like our insecurities about Fellowship of the Dice (and to take the creative extension, insecurities about ourselves) were made manifest. That we were treated like we were an inconvenience, that the film is substandard, that no one really cares.  These feelings, of course, are COMPLETE BULLSHIT.

When I first took Viewpoints with my teacher Alex, she had a great way of phrasing this.  All of us have that little voice inside us that says we're not worth it, that second guesses us.  She calls it a parrot -- the parrot sits on our shoulder and says stuff like "Why are you wearing that?  What are you doing? You think that's good?" I've spent the bulk of my professional life wrestling with that parrot, smacking it around, boxing with it, punching it in its beak, etc.  When I had the swine/pearls realization, my goal became clear: I'm going to muzzle that goddamn parrot for good.

Last week, I got a call for an audition for four small co-star roles on a new Lifetime show.  I prepped for the audition -- I did my source work, I did punctuation walks, I worked on moment before's, the whole nine yards.  But the main thing I did was I went in there with the intent of punching that parrot and knocking it to the floor.  If my movie is worth while, then by gum, so'm I.  I went in and read for the roles, and I ended up stumbling over one of the four lines.  The casting director asked me to do it again.  Collecting my thoughts, I let my eyes drift from focus, thought of my ugly-ass parrot on my shoulder, and then thought of the scene... really, what happened right before the scene starts.  And I opened my mouth and the words just came out. 

I got a callback two days later.

Needless to say, Operation Parrot Mute continued.  The callback went very well, punctuated by the fact that the 8 people in the room loved my headshot, handing it around the room so everyone could take a gander and compliment it.  And the next day?  I got one of the roles, and out of all of them, I got the best one, the one with the big punchline joke of a scene. That victory margarita with dinner that night tasted sooooo good.

The shoot went off well today.  I was in and out in 7 hours, which for those of you not in the business is really fast, even for a TV show. Sure, I did some battling with my parrot, as it never goes away, but I seem to be winning.  Putting my parrot -- my insecurities, my lazy qualities, my fears -- into my mental cross-hairs is seeming to pay off.  It'll take a continued effort and I can't guarantee that my War On Parrots won't be a long one... but I can tell you, it'll be AWESOME.

Home Town Boy Done Good

One of my hometown papers, the Oak Leaves, has done a piece on me and Fellowship of the Dice.  A very nice article, if I say so myself. 

d20, Paper, Scissors

There is an article about me and Fellowship of the Dice in this week's Backstage West newspaper, LA's actor industry rag.  While eating some delicious Japanese curry, I had a lovely and charming time being interviewed by writer Sarah Kuhn (who also interviewed me for her blog Alert Nerd).  I would link you to the online version of article, but alas, Backstage West has locked it off for their online subscribers only. So, if you're in the Los Angeles area and are by a newsstand, go fork over the $4, flip over to their Self-Starter column and check me out.  Sarah is sending out a bunch of copies to me so Mom, I got you covered.

Tom and I also have been working our tails off the past couple of weekends going to conventions in both Los Angeles & in the St. Louis area screening Fellowship of the Dice and selling DVDs.  The responses have been great and very affirming.  People seem to like our nerd movie.

Nina, Pretty Legal-ina

I was thinking about writing a long entry about traffic in Los Angeles, but I'm more concerned about Nina Totenberg.  Look, we've been friends for a while, right? It's time I come clean... I have a total platonic vocal crush on Nina Totenberg.  As the child of artistic moderate Democrats, I listened to a lot of classical music and NPR in my dad's office growing up.  While the classical music was all fine and good, it was NPR that I really got into... at the ripe old at of 15.  I can distinctly remember copying inspection reports for my dad in his large one-room office in the coach house above our garage as his cassette recorder boom box played NPR's reporting of the Iran-Contra Hearings and the business of the day. During my heady introduction to all things public radio, I relished the voices of the reporters the most: the intonations of Robert Siegal, the gravelly voice of Carl Castle, the improbable lisp of Peter Overbee, the slightly-nasal authority of Cory Flintoff (an awesome name if I ever heard one), and finally, the amazing inflections and legal gravitas of Nina Totenberg. 

During my drive home from Goofy Basic Cable Documentary Series, I listen to NPR's All Things Considered.   Today was like no other, and when I heard Michele Norris (pronounced MEE-shell) tease a story about a Supreme Court ruling about a naked protester in Florida had to pay attorney's fees, my heart lept a bit.  For me, no one else has the authority of legal proceedings like Nina Totenberg.  Her voice is feminine but firm, intelligent and erudite but not snobby.  She can inflect better than most actors I know, knowing perfectly when to raise or lower the notes in her voice to demonstrate, for example, Justice Scalia debating a ruling on Guantanamo or Justice Souter asking an attorney questions about eminent domain laws.  Without coloring the proceedings with personal slants, she merely presents the information in an easily digestible manner.  And, since the Supreme Court usually doesn't allow a lot of press recordings of their proceedings, Nina Totenberg will read exchanges from the court, playing all the parts.  She won't affect different voices or throw on wacky accents -- she just presents what people said, and does it with a hint of a smile in her voice.

So, back to the naked protester.  Nina starts the story and the spark?  Gone.  Her voice?  Kinda gravelly.  Instead of me paying rapt attention a story about nude protesters making peace signs with their bodies in Florida, all I can think of is "Oh gosh, Nina has a cold!  Maybe she has allergies... ragweed season must have started early in DC this year.  I hope she's okay."   I'm actually a bit worried.  Maybe she just needs to take some Claritin and just take it easy.  Rest, Nina!  Plenty of fluids.

50 Random Bits of Info About Jon

I've been meaning to do this for a while, but here is a list of some random trivia about yours truly:

(1) I'm a Taurus, which means I'm stubborn, practical, artistic, like nice things and food.  So, that's pretty dead on.

(2) I was born a month early and had be in intensive care for several weeks.  I have a scar that goes across my left heel from where the doctors placed the IV when I had a blood transfusion.

(3) My domestic partner/husband/spouse and I have been together for over 12 years, which is 36 in straight years.

(4) I knew I was gay when I was 8 but I didn't really start to accept it until I was 20.

(5) The first two people I came out to were my friends Anna and Stephanie, the latter having had been my prom date two years before.

(6) The only girl I ever dated also dated a good friend of ours who also came out of the closet years later. 

(7) She and I are still very good friends, and to date she is still one of the coolest and creative people I have ever met.

(8) Foods I like:  Chocolate, hot wings, Chicago style pizza, New York style pizza, most Thai food, most pastas, all potatoes, pretzels, chips and salsa, peaches, strawberries, bananas, crunchy cereals, peanut butter sandwiches, almonds, most vegetables, caramel, ice cream, whipped cream, chicken, steak, fajitas, oysters, calamari, creme brule, sushi, and sashimi.

(9) Foods I hate: Raisins, raw onions, coconut, all jellies, jelly-filled pastries, rice pudding, tapioca pudding.

UPDATE: As Katie pointed out to me, there are a few more hated foods I forgot to add.  While I love olive oil, I loathe olives -- both black and green.  Blech.  Also, eggs in pretty much all forms.  I can tolerate them in two forms only:  omelet ('cause you taste what's in them) and scrambled ('cause I can then smother them in hot sauce). Once in college, I had to eat deviled eggs for a play.  I wolfed them down quickly 'cause I didn't want to taste them.

(10) If I was forced to (and had the resources), I could live on sushi and sashimi and not much else and still be very, very happy.

(11) We had a cat and a series of Irish Wolfhounds growing up, so when people ask, I'm a cat and a dog person. 

(12) When Tom and I eventually get a house, we'll get a dog.  'Cause we'll want a large breed, preferably from a rescue.

(13) Favorite films include:  Rear Window, Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, Mary Poppins, A Fish Called Wanda, Blazing Saddles, The Incredibles, Scream, Something's Gotta Give, Carrie, Aliens, Hannah and Her Sisters, The 39 Steps (the 1935 version), Airplane!, All About Eve, Manhattan Murder Mystery, Spirited Away, Edward Scissorhands, Network, Silence of the Lambs, The Music Man, The Birds, Blade Runner, Crimes and Misdemeanors, Dumbo, His Girl Friday, all three of the Lord of the Rings films, and a bunch more.

(14) Favorite TV shows include: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel, Cheers, 24, Alias (first two seasons only), Arrested Development, Project Runway, America's Next Top Model, As Time Goes By, Seinfeld, Fawlty Towers, The Simpsons, The Cosby Show, Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law, Iron Chef (Japanese version), Sex and the City, L.A. Law, Star Trek: TNG, The Muppet Show, and a good deal of Food Network.

(15) I really don't have a favorite author, besides my mom. She's polishing up her first novel and I couldn't be more thrilled.

(16) I love movie previews. 

(17) Most Monday nights I'm usually in the mood for a documentary on PBS.  Either that or 24. 

(18) I tend to beat myself up a lot when I do something wrong.  Or when I don't book an acting gig.

(19) There are times I don't like to be alone with my own thoughts.

(20) Most of the time I'm in an upbeat mood and I like being around people.

(21) The main exception to this is when I'm driving.

(22) What pisses me off:  People who don't commit to what they're doing, people who don't take responsibility for their actions, ignorance, arrogance, rampant stupidity, people who expect others to do their work for them, disorganization, and lack of communication.

(23) Whenever a character in a film or tv show puts themselves purposefully into a potentially embarrassing situation, I have to cover my eyes. I can't bear to watch.

(24) My fingernails and toenails grow obscenely fast.

(25) I've never had a filling in my teeth. I have had wisdom teeth removed, a headgear, teeth removed for braces, braces, rubberbands, and two retainers. 

(26) I've never broken a bone, but I did sprain my ankle. That was annoying.

(27) I'm allergic to Opti-Free contact solution.  If I use it, my right eye gets all puffy and painful and I get symptoms of pinkeye, but only in my right eye.  I know, it's weird.

(28) Moving out to L.A. was one of the most difficult things I've ever done, and one of the best.  I've become far more out-going and a lot tougher because of it.

(29) I had really thin skin growing up.  I still have a tendency to take myself too seriously and not to laugh at myself when I should.

(30) I'm good at organizing and managing -- two skills I don't usually use at home.

(31) I'm usually good with money.  Usually.

(32) I've smoked for a play before, in both of the venues we performed it at. I did practice for a few weeks as well, but did it very infrequently and never became addicted.  I haven't smoked since.

(33) I've never done any drugs besides prescriptions for my allergies and asthma.  The bottle of Vicodin I received for my wisdom teeth removal still remains unopened in my bathroom. 

(35) I didn't start drinking regularly until a few years ago, and it's only occasionally. 

(36) Drinks of choice when I'm out:  wine, Lemon Drop Martinis, Whiskey and 7-Up, and Cranberry and Vodka.

(37) Drinks of choice when I'm at home:  wine, Appletinis, Cranberry and Vodka. 

(38) I drink a lot of water during the day. 

(39) I think music from the 80's is the best pop music to date.  And the large amounts of U2, Erasure, Prince, Madonna and Depeche Mode in my collection can attest to that.

(40) I would probably squeal like a 12 year old girl if I met Madonna.  Embarrassing, I know.

(41) I love board games.  Like, a lot.  Favorites include Risk, Clue, Trivial Pursuit, the Buffy board game, Monopoly, Life, Sorry, Pictionary, Scrabble, Cranium, and Auditions. 

(42) I have double-jointed thumbs.

(43) I can memorize lines rather quickly.

(44) I love it when people who have it coming get told off in movies or TV shows.  Even if I hate the movie or show, I'll love that scene.

(45) When I was a junior in high school, we had to memorize the first 16 lines of "The Cantebury Tales" in Olde English.  I still can recite the first six lines and it's been... well, it's been a while.

(46) I'm deathly afraid of water.  To date, I still can't swim.  I take that back -- I can backstroke, but that's it.  If it involves me holding my breath and/or exhaling underwater, I'm done.

(47) I almost didn't graduate high school 'cause I kept ditching gym in my senior year.

(48) I believe in God and that he is not vengeful or mean. 

(49) I prefer creamy peanut butter to crunchy, but will eat crunchy if I have to.

(50) I like making lists.