Being Part Of A Club I Didn't Want To Join

Yesterday, the California Supreme Court ruled on the validity of Prop 8, and saying it is a mixed decision is a huge understatement.  They ruled that Prop 8 is valid, eliminating the rights of the millions of gay & lesbians residents in the Golden State from receiving marriage licenses.  But, they also agreed that the 18,000-some same-sex couples that did get married in the few months when it was legal will also be recognized.  So, to boil it down for you, my marriage to my husband is legal in a state where it's not legal.  Confused?  I'm not.  I'm angry.

The reasoning why some people are applauding the court upholding Prop 8 was because it was voted on by the people and it passed with a (slim) majority.  So, my rights are now able to be voted on by the majority, and that's a good thing?  People taking away the rights of their citizens is a plus? Rights are called rights for a reason; they are the fundamental blocks of democracy that cannot be taken away for any reason.  But now, the rights of lots of my fellow Californians have been taken away and ruled on by our highest court.  What's next?  Will we vote on whether Latinos have the right to assemble?  Or that Buddhists are subject to improper search and seizure?  Or that that handicapped don't have the right to bare arms?  I flat out reject the argument of Prop 8 even being an issue to be voted on.  My rights aren't the majority's to dictate, and vice versa.  I'm not a huge fan of sharing the state with TBN, but I do, and they are completely within their rights to say what they want to say and broadcast their treacly, self-serving rhetoric. 

Some people via Facebook have told me their condolences and also said that hey, at least my marriage is still intact. I'm now in a rather exclusive club that includes George Takei, Ellen Degeneres and Portia DiRossi: gay marrieds who are still gay married.  We have the rights of marriage in our state and have it recognized in a few other states, but now we're in a weird legal limbo.  Say Tom and I get into a car accident and I die.  Tom cannot remarry in California.  In any legal proceedings that we may get involved with, we will have to show that our marriage license was indeed validated in the few months in 2008 to prove that yes, we are married. So, really, we're married... with an asterisk.  I don't want to be married with a fucking asterisk; I just want to be married.  Also, the fact that I'm married doesn't help the friends of mine who are single right now who want to be married in the future, who long for growing old with their spouse and sharing a life together.  Instead, they'll get the "domestic partnership" instead.  Separate is not equal, and my special status of being Gay Married * is not equal, either.  It's neither fish nor fowl, up or down.  It's just odd place to be, and that's not where I want my (or anyone else's) marriage to fall.

I know that the gay marriage ban will be back on the ballot very quickly, possibly even next year.  In the meantime, I'm hoping the people who were organizing the anti-Prop 8 movement will learn the lessons from the previous battle, and focus on education and outreach.  I'm hoping that it'll get turned around by then.  But in the meantime, we need to be focused and on top of this issue.  We need to keep talking about this, and I'll do my best to show everyone that a gay married couple is equally as boring and dull as any hetero married couple.  Seriously, people, we work, we go home, we have dinner together, we hang out with friends, and that's about it.  We do everything that any other straight married couple do; we just do it with an unwated asterisk attached. And that simply will not do.

Comments

[Matt]

Right on Brother, I'm 100 percent behind you.

[daphne]

You put this really really well. What I really don't understand is what you talked about in the second paragraph: I simply don't even understand how this is an issue that can be VOTED on by other people. It makes NO sense. There is something so twisted and controlling about that, and so many people don't even seem to see that! Not to mention a totally misplaced sense of authority. I can't even fathom that this is still an issue. We love patting ourselves on the back and thinking that we've left all the prejudice issues behind- "look we even have a black president now"- but it seems that the gay community always gets conveniently forgotten. I am not sure why same-sex relationships are sort of the last frontier of unfairly treated minorities (legally). This is just as insane as not allowing women a vote. A day is going to come, not too long from now, when the general population wakes up and realizes this. Our parents were alive when there were segregated water fountains, for christ sakes. We will see this wrong mended. I believe it.
Love to you and Tom,
Daphne

[bstewart23]

So much WORD.