+4 Wisdom Teeth Modifier

For a while, I was in the top 10 percent of actors in the nation. I tripped the light fantastic, making above-poverty level income from acting. But this year, that didn't happen. Several of my commercials stopped running, coupled with my worst pilot season in history. The result? I didn't make nearly as much this year from SAG work as I did the year before. The side effect? My SAG health insurance is being cancelled.

Ask any actor in town and they'll tell you that the SAG insurance is the brass ring for your typical working actor. The insurance is kickass and very afforable. When it kicked in for me January 1st, 2001, I paid nothing a month for it. NOTHING. Not a drop. Sure, I had co-pays and a deductible, but no monthly payments. A few years later, the belts at the SAG Producer's Health and Pension Plan got tightened and we had to start making monthly payments. For me, it was $50 a month. That's all. Oh, it was glorious. I got my Flonase on a regular basis so I can breathe and each without coughing. I was looked at for some persistent heartburn. That tingling sensation in my arm? Went away, but I still had it looked at. It was a wondrous time to be alive.

But now, the clock is ticking. As my insurance expires when this year does, I'm acting quickly. I had my eyes examined Saturday, ordering a year's supply of contact lenses. The contacts? Not covered under my soon-to-expire insurance. The exam? Was. Turns out that my eyes have actually gotten a bit better and my astigmatism in my right eye has also improved. Weird, huh? My optometrist is a very, very nice Russian lady in Glendale whose memory is a lot better than mine, in that I can never remember her name and that she not only remembered mine but also that I'm allergic to Opti-Free Contact Solution.

And then, I went to the dentist. Yeah. I hadn't been to the dentist in ages, so I was very worried about having cavities. See, I have a very labored history with my mouth. I had inherited my dad's strong teeth but my mom's Picasso-esque arrangement of them. I had buck teeth as a kid, so I had a head gear. Fortunately, it was only a partial that I had to wear at night. It pushed my buck teeth back into line. Then, I had braces to straighten my wayward chompers into line. Oh, I had the braces on in JUNIOR HIGH. When I was already WEARING GLASSES. As if the age wasn't awkward enough. So, the braces were removed in 8th grade, and then came the retainer. I had a permanent for my lower teeth, and a temporary in my upper that I broke twice and lost once. I spent many an hour with my orthodontist in the 80's as he worked on my mouth.

Back to the present. I saw my current dentist last week. I had my teeth cleaned, and x-rayed. With the x-rays came the view of my wisdom teeth. Yes, I have all four of them and 3 of them are impacted. Oh, it gets better. My lower wisdom teeth are horizontal. They lay down along the lines of my gums, and the tops of the teeth are now close to pushing my other teeth. The lower right one has been partially exposed and I have a food trap now between it and my back molar. Imagine how uncomfortable it is when something is lodged between your teeth, and then imagine pulling it out of your teeth and the fucker is HALF AN INCH THICK. Yeah. My right upper wisdom tooth is fully in, but since the lower one is horizontal, the upper tooth isn't meeting anything when I bite down. So, the tooth IS STILL MOVING DOWN. It's now lower than the rest of my upper teeth and won't stop until it meets my lower gums. My dentist looked at the X-Rays and my mouth:

DENTIST: Yeah, those wisdom teeth need to go. Immediately.

Phew, I thought. Good, I can get this done ASAP. The wisdom teeth come out tomorrow, hence me frantically doing this entry today, as opposed to trying to post an entry in a Vicodin stupor. I'm rather nervous about being put under for the operation, but once the oral surgeon's assistant showed me a piece of Flash animation showing how sometimes a drill is needed to split a wisdom tooth IN HALF before removal, I wholeheartedly chose getting put under.

Back to last week. After the wisdom tooth pronouncement, my dentist took another look at my mouth:

DENTIST: Whoah. You're a grinder.

I used to grind my teeth a lot in college, but since both Tom and I are heavy sleepers, I had no idea that I had kept doing it. Apparently I still am, to such an extent that not only are the enamel on my front teeth being worn down, my gums are receding and I'm getting BONE SPURS in my mouth. Bone spurs. The grinding puts so much stress on my mouth that the bones are starting to grow in different directions.

DENTIST: Well, it's a sign that you have very strong bones. So that's good.

ME: Oh. Goody.

So, after my extractions, I have a bite guard in my future. Now, I know you well, and I know what you're going to say next.

YOU: But, Jon! Bite Guards aren't covered under insurance. And they're expensive. However will you pay for them?

Oh, don't despair. See, I'm getting some residual money in after all. I did a commercial for Carribean Beer Company four some years ago that run for ages. It stopped running in January, on air and also on their website. While at work here at Cable Competition Reality Show, one of my co-workers mentioned the Beer Commercial and went to the company's website and lo and behold, there's my commercial. RUNNING. My jaw dropped, and then I sicked my agent on them. Apparently, the other spots in the same campaign were renewed but not mine, and they accidentally flipped mine on by mistake. They profusely apologized, and agreed to pay me for my time, since they easily could be sued. I'm due a nice chunk of change and once that money comes in, my bite guard will come into being. And the popping of my right jaw will hopefully stop soon.

I sent of my insurance application for new insurance, offered by an Industry Offshoot of Blue Closs, so keep your fingers crossed.

All, the glamorous lifestyle of the Hollywood working actor. Jealous?

Comments

[katie d]

rabidly. :) good luck with the wisdom teeth. holler if you need soup. :) kd

[Tooth-Grinding]

I can't imagine anyone griding their teeth without knowing it. I wake up with headaches, facial pain, and neck pain. You should feel really fortunate that you don't feel the pain like I do.

[Kathy Frederickson]

Oh! Good luck to you, Jon! It's hard when you don't have an insurance to manage your finances. Well, I also don't know if I'm a grinder or not; maybe I'll just have to ask my dentist about it.

[Preston Jordan]

Whoa. How was the operation? It's very important to have our teeth checked regularly. Who knows what else we have in our mouths aside from cavities? =)